The Bell Jar

I took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart: I am, I am, I am.

It’s tough, to end something which doesn’t seem like fiction. Anyhow good books are difficult to forget, and they leave such imprint in your soul that it’s very tough to get over them. It’s even tougher when the book is not just a book, but something which you can feel. It’s not somebody else’s story, it’s your own. Such is The Bell Jar.

It is believed to be Sylvia Plath’s own story, which was published in the same year in which she committed suicide. It speaks about the mental illness, from the perspective of someone who is going through it. And you’ll feel it’s real. All her fears, anxiety, is not something which is unusual. We all go through it. Pressure to perform better than our peers. Pressure of being in a middle class family, and so wanting to do your best, so that you are on your own as soon as possible. Not getting through the college you have wanted to get into, shattered dreams, failed love. Basically a life we all live. Some survive. Some give in. In the book Esther Greenwood survived. In reality she couldn’t.

It’s a story of a bright young girl, with a bright young mind. A girl next door, whose purpose in life is to excel. She gets a scholarship, being the bright student that she always has been. She wants to become a writer, and fight her demons in her stories, untill one day. When suddenly life happens to her.

I wish people would understand what depression means. It’s not only when you are sad and don’t talk to anyone. It’s when there are millions of thoughts going on in your head and you don’t know how to collect them. The thoughts that drive you mad, and you don’t even understand why they are driving you mad. The thoughts which make you imagine things which might or might not be there. And it doesn’t take a lot to drive a human to this state. I believe we are all living on the edge. One day we fall this side and the other day we have to fight these demons. Mental illness is real, just like the physical ones. Oh how I wish SP had survived in real too.

The Bell Jar would always remain close to my heart. My next read is The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath. I can only imagine the kind of journey it’ll be to read that.

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The Odessa File

So finished yet another masterpiece from none other than Frederick Forsyth. The Odessa File. This one is definately a second favourite after The Day of the Jackal. Set in the post world war two period, it goes on to tell the story of a young journalist, who comes across a diary written by a German-Jew, who is now dead.

The diary contains an account of it’s writer’s days in the Nazi camp. Never at any point would it feel like fiction. Very much in line with the events which occurred during the holocaust. The journalist is a German set out to reach the SS man mentioned in the diary, who it’s writer wanted to see prosecuted. It becomes as good as the fast paced thriller, the day of the jackal, when the journalist tries to infiltrate the Odessa, as one of their own. Anything else I mention about the quest and it would become a major spoiler.

I would have mentioned about the SS or the Odessa in depth, but I am leaving it on you to go and Google it yourself. The research kind of made me even more interested in the book.

I can’t give it any less than 4 out of five. Deducting one just because there is level up book by the same author!

Millennials​ & our young age crisis

With the globalisation and other shit around we are reaching the mid age crisis relatively early. So wouldn’t be that bad to call it a young age crisis! You do good in school, get into a great college get a good job, what after that? After that my friend, the real fuck begins! You are so stable and too comfortable to come out of your zone and there is this constant buzz in your mind that you should do something extraordinary, something brilliant. But what brilliance? I mean getting out of bed is a huge task on Mondays, and you talk about other brilliance?! And that too when over the weekend all you have done is binge ate and binge watched random shit over the internet. The life takes a stand still. And you know that it is slipping by, with each day you are getting older and certainly not fitter to do the “brilliance” and change the world. And that’s when the young life crisis strikes you. What after this? 
Well yeah you can try and do adventure or do something worth while which might be actually beneficial for the society. But what society? Are you talking about a bunch of ranting souls who simply have no other job but judge you, your money and your life? So why not just live on your own terms. This mid young age when you are older enough to be considered to do something , and I quote “brilliant”, and simultaneously young enough to not understand the problems which lie ahead if you don’t save up enough money. An age where you are supposed to be old enough to be settled with life’s savings and young enough to not know what saving scheme to put your money in. Young enough to date anyone you want and getting older enough to be losing on all the good ‘rishtas’ , which if you don’t accept now, you’ll lose the “opportunity”. Opportunity? Since when did a person became an opportunity? Whoa, we are getting it wrong there man.

So that is how we arrive at this young life crisis. Wanting to be all cools and YOLO, when we know that there is no best relationship than between you and your fridge. We just loose over all our relationships because, well why give a fuck. When there is so much internet to watch, so many places to good and such a good amount of food to eat? Why love a little harder, when you can sleep a little longer?!  

My millennials, the empire has struck back. The age is coming to get you. But don’t worry, we have passed the age of two minute noodles, now we have cup noodles. You don’t need to settle down and do what they are telling you to. Because trust me a messed up routine, a messed up room and unwashed dishes at your own accord are much better than a messed up life, a messed up marriage or ranting in-laws and children. So keep calm and keep giving no fuck on. Peace. Live long and prosper! 

Jai Hind.

A choice

Happiness might be a choice. But it is choice we need to make every damn morning. Every damn morning when you wake up with the memories of the dreams you saw, where every thing was perfect. And as soon as you open your eyes, reality hits. You pick up your phone with a last string of hope , that may be things are the same. But except for alarm notification there is nothing. And then it hits you. Again. Morning after morning. That maybe it won’t be the same ever again. And again every night while crying yourself to sleep, your mind somehow wanders to the good part. In you perfect world. And you get lost in that dream. But again, the next morning… Same story. So yes. Happiness is a choice. Every morning when you get up, and are left with no reason to live but still you get up and go on. Then yes warrior. You make that choice everyday. Because sometimes happiness is just breathing when you see no reason to survive. 

The one where someone wrote something for me 

​Dear girl , 

Now you are in broken phase of your life , you will feel world has wronged you & it always happens with good people … you have lots of memories made with other person & it’s not easy to overcome either. As they say ” Time heals everything ” , you don’t have to block the other person on social networking sites or on caller list . Just sit back & watch , things will be better. You will analyse to understand  that your interests never really matched . Concept of having a person in your life & actually that person being a part of your life are entirely different . Now you will see that you will not open to any other person about your deepest fantacies or darkest secrets like u did with that person . You will realise that it’s not wrong to be selfish about your goals , hobbies & interests. You have to just take courage , raise your head & move on regardless bashing .

Find people who have similar interests as you like reading different kinds of literature ,writing blogs , trying out different delicacies , music , football & so on . Believe me you are a amazing girl , you have lots of love , admiration , charm , wit & glamour left in you . Your vibes will attract the right ones & let it not take control over you in future . I can talk to you endlessly & bore you too … Just have fun , live your life , no regrets for anything & let Karma decide follow up action . Attend book fairs , watch movies with friends , go on trip to nearby places… you are the youngest possible version of yourself today & make full use of it . Don’t worry , there are lots of folks in the world to take care of you . Just let yourself wild & free … stay happy , amazing & cheerful as always …..

Your biggest fan 😊

-As written by a friend of mine for me. Thank you Sanghu 🙂

Review:The Fist of God

What a brilliance! This is my first Forsyth title, and I am already regretting, for not picking him up before. Absolutely brilliant writing, with a superb description of everything around and a tinge of mystery. This is a book on gulf war. Middle East being a topic I am interested in, this was a treat for me. 

Set in the gulf war, the book opens up with a scientist who is trying to make a giant gun, later known as the Fist of God. It sets it’s course well, when the scientist is killed and Saddam Hussein is introduced. What a research Forsyth has done. Sheer brilliance. Though the topic of gulf war is old yet, ever interesting. The way he builds up is superb. Though there are not many cliff hangers, but still there is never a dull page!

The sequences of weapons and ammunitions and description of jets, might be a little overwhelming for the first time readers of such topics, but you’ll get your way through. Forsyth is known for his research. This book is one of those types which will make you google for the historical things. Not because you won’t understand but because it will make it so interesting. 

Though there is no main central character, but you have to give Major Mike Martin a very important role. The moment he enters the story, it just gets better. You will be waiting to read his part. Each time he starts with “Black Bear to Rocky Mountain. Recieving. Over”. You feel the satisfaction of finishing a mission. The descriptions about Iraq are on the place. Involvement of Mossad, Vienna, everything just seems right. 

So go pick this up and read it, as early as possible. Of course, if you read this genre. You’ll regret missing it for so long. Forsyth in no time will become my favourite author! 

When it’s April and June is far away.

With our generation complaining so much about commitment issues and unsuccessful relationships, it is very hard and unusual actually, to have a long term relationship. You go through so much, and still decide to be together. Commendable. It is difficult at times to tolerate human presence as well, and in all that when two people decide to stick by each other ,through all the drama. Indeed it is a blissful act. There are many types of relationships today, no strings attached, one sided strings attached, friends with benefits, normal relationship, long distance relationship, different timezone relationship etc. 
Talking about long distance relationship. To all the people who say that LDR doesn’t work out, here are two words for you. Get Lost. Yes there is a constant gap. A constant feeling of missing the other person. Many people say that it is difficult because you don’t know what she is doing, what he is doing. You can just fool around. But a lot of people fool around ​even being next to you. Then they say that it is different when you are apart, and it will be different when you are together. Well if you can handle it even when you were apart, you can definately handle it when you are together. All it would take is one hug. 

Yes LDR is a difficult walk. Not because of trust issues or the distance. But because there are days when all you want to do is go back home to the person you love. There will always be these impulsive moments when you’ll miss each other like crazy. But if you can’t handle it with these millions of communication mediums available these days, then there is an issue with you, not your relationship. But it is good in a way. You have like these mini holidays coming up almost every few months, because being together is nothing less than a celebration for you. There are those special days of your life when you want to be together, but there will be work commitments keeping you away. And it’s even more difficult when your partner is into some serious job, like military. 

Then it’s a different story altogether. You might not get to talk, not because you don’t want to, but because you can’t. There will be so much work related engagements with them. It is really difficult to find a perfect time to talk. There will be days at stretch when you won’t talk for abnormal time. There will be days when they are on leave and will keep on irritating you continuously. But one thing you learn with this relationship is to cherish whatever time you have got. Because time is scarce. And no, you can’t visit them whenever and wherever you please. It’s so different even from a normal LDR. Like you both want to be together, but you can’t, because rules! You learn to respect their job, because they respect it so much and you somehow adapt to it. Telling yourself that yes, maybe they love their job more. But that is something you need to make peace with. And while they are busy you keep planning. Like they will come, this will pass but meanwhile. And trust me, meanwhile is the worst time. 

So yes today, relationships are not the coolest things. There are lots of versions of them, rather modernised. But for old school people there are still people exactly like them. And you’ll find them sooner or later. And when you do. Hold on. Hold in tightly. And when the pangs of missing them grow stronger and stronger, stick on it. Miss them. When it’s April, and June is far away, miss them, meanwhile​ 🙂